Well, this is it! My chapter on my family of five is ending and my chapter on my family of six is about to begin. We are closing shop I swear! The car seat is installed, the meal train has started, my in-laws are flying in, bags are packed and camera is charged. It’s always a little hard when you know it’s the last time you will bring a life into this world. You see, I already went through this with Roman. I thought I was completely done, so I went through what every mom goes through knowing its your last. Roman was a twin so I surely thought I wouldn’t be going down this road again. I couldn’t handle yet another angel baby. However, this time I am exhaling all of those things that happened. Letting them go. With this unexpected baby on the way, I am older and with age comes wisdom. I am excited to welcome this new baby to our family and also sad to shelf the child-bearing years. I think they call this a right of passage.
Most moms already know that the last weeks of pregnancy are harrowing. Its uncomfortable co-habitating with another human. Don’t get me wrong, its beautiful and I will miss it of course, but its painful. Despite the discomfort I also find myself teary and exhausted. I haven’t slept in over two weeks due to him taking over my torso and the anxiety of it all. I also know I won’t be sleeping for the next four months. And just like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I feel like I have one foot in my old world, and one ruby red slipper gearing up to my new world. I feel like I am walking a side of a cliff on the very tippy edge this pregnancy with old Danielle anxiously waiting for my new much bigger family “self.”
But knowing this is the last day of my last pregnancy I am trying to smile with gratitude that I was blessed to experience this four times. (Really 7 but I don’t like to talk about that much) Thats just a miracle in itself. When people see me out and it looks like I am in pain they say, “Cheer up hunny, it’s almost over and you are having a baby.” I get it… despite my pain and exhaustion I will be leaving my home tomorrow with my bags packed and I will be returning with another family member. How cool is that? A true blessing in itself. Of course I am petrified of another loss I just cannot bare but I am throwing those scary feelings right out the door.
I love motherhood and everything that it encompasses. I am a devoted mom, but I try to never lose my sense of self. I want my kids to know me, who I am, how silly I am and how I will always put them first, after daddy of course. In a world full of bitty’s I strive to be a Lucy.
It’s so different this time around with Jackson being 8 and my Dylan being 7. They are the ultimate helpers for me and with them being older I am really seeing the blue skies through the many foggy day.
Well then there is Roman, like most three-year olds, walks to his own inspired dance and has us spinning on most days.
There is so much going through my head knowing a new baby will be here tomorrow. I am excited to bring this baby home to meet the siblings that can’t wait to hold him. I am excited to sleep on my stomach again and not feel like I am hurting the baby with every turn. I am also excited to get a day or two in the hospital to snuggle with this precious baby that I have been longing to greet. I will miss the reminder with every kick that I created him, but look forward to taking all of him in, knowing he is a piece of myself and Bobby. I look forward to picking him up and unconditionally loving him and instantly feel God’s greatest miracle.
I am ready! Ready for it all. I know it will be quite challenging the first few months, but I am elated to begin our lives as a family of six! Stay tuned for our crazy world about to unfold. I would love to hear from you, comment below and let me know if you remember having your last baby and what you thought.