As we anxiously await the arrival of our 4th baby, I can’t help but take in my last moments as a family of five. It hasn’t been that easy with 100 degree temperatures in the San Diego area, but we are finding ways to stay cool. The kids have been taking refuge in mommy and daddy’s room, the only room with air condition in our temporary home. For the past ten nights my perfect trifecta has been hunkering down with us. I thank the universe for this very hot situation putting my family of five in one room. I like it this way, its temporary but so so sweet. I get the chance to stare at them every night looking at the crib that sits besides them, knowing that a new sibling will be here soon. They have all at some point been it that crib too. I have tears as I write this for so many reasons: for the three little ones I already have, the road to getting here and the one more blessing coming so soon.
We are living in our last rental before we get to be in our very own place we can call “home.” The road to getting here, 12 years with over 10 moves, relocating coast to coast not once, but twice, military life, the war Bobby served in, and creating a beautiful family has me reflecting on these memorable chapters. However, so much has gone on in this past year, my emotions have been running high. We have experienced many losses trying to build our family. I still cry when I think about those pregnancies and what a toll they took on me and my sweet Bobby. My Roman was a twin and there were other losses. Losing our fur baby Sam this summer has also wrecked our soul. But there is also good things along with the bad… building a house, little modeling careers for my kids, and having another baby. So many things in one year to take in and trying to balance it all has me at times spinning. I find myself more and more needing to take deep breaths to get a sense of calm in order to leave the past behind.
Luckily for us we have great friends that decided to take us out to sea this past weekend so we can relax and enjoy the cool salty air breeze. It was the exact therapeutic state I was needing to be in.
Escaping the heat and watching my babes enjoy the salty life was just beautiful. I have really embraced this last pregnancy, trying to take it all in, knowing that all the things I complain about, I will one day miss. At least that’s what my sister-in-law says. Actually thats what all my friends say. My family and friends have been beyond supportive, helping me along the way, checking in to see how I am and if they could do anything. It was exactly the support I needed. When you least expect it, those friends are always stepping in.
It’s so sweet how my husband finds pregnancy the most beautiful thing. He loves that I am carrying his baby and I find him staring at me most days with a big smile. It’s truly a special time for us and I am lucky he feels this way. He reminds me everyday that he thinks me being pregnant is the sexiest thing in the world. (lucky me) In the past I was more sad about my changing figure. This time I have taken it in and enjoyed watching the baby grow. It has been quite liberating this time around, with minimal cares about what I looked like. I tried to stay as fashionable as my body would let me.
I do worry about my three-year old Roman and that he will no longer be the “baby”anymore. I don’t worry about my older two, its my #3 that has our heart racing a little faster most days. He’s the kid bouncing off the walls and the first to break bones. So many of my friends talk about this transition with me and it surely helps. He is a sweet, yet such a boy on a mission. He kisses my belly on a daily basis. It’s his way of showing me he knows a baby is in there and he loves us both. Luckily, my husband reminds me often about how Roman will do so much better as an older brother than as he does as the baby. He is the child that keeps us on our toes running and fights to be heard. He is a very sensitive and passionate child, but really wants to keep up with the others. He fights to be the leader and stands strong to be in charge. Despite this, I have a strong feeling his new sibling and Roman’s new role of being a big brother will help him feel like he has more of a responsibility. It’s an adjustment I am confidant he will embrace, Roman style of course.
We are down to the last week of life as we know it. I do believe all moms go through this while expanding their family. Our family is growing. Its been quite the blessing watching my three embrace each other as siblings for the past eight years. I never had siblings, but having this chance to watch what it means to be a sibling has been such the gift for me. At times, I often feel bouts of anxiety of the unknown, whats to happen next with this new precious baby. The love, the teasing, the laughter, the multi-directional chaos, its constant. It’s something I cherish as their mother, and truly can’t believe is about to expand with one more Schaffer.
My soul feeds on them together and I am sure our new baby will fit right in. One day they will understand how awesome it truly is to have siblings. I could only wish for such a chaotic, but also joyous setting as a wee little one. I am doing my best to keep them close and to always put each other first. I constantly remind them that I never was born into the sibling network, (that was until I was 11 years old) and its a channel I never want them to stray from.
Like my other final moments with my other pregnancies, this last week is going slooowwwwww and I feel like I am waiting for it to all unravel. I am taking it all in with photography like I do on most days, but right now I am trying to archive it all so I can go back and smile at my ever changing growing world. And “No” I will never put my camera down! These kids are too cute not to capture. I would love to hear from you, comment below!