Sometimes, it’s hard to know if I’m doing the parenting thing right. Anyone else? As my kids get older and start to enter their teen eras, there’s been so much push and pull it makes it hard to remember that it won’t always be that way! I find myself yearning for the days when they were little, that I was a supermom in their eyes instead of ‘bruh.’
But sometimes, you get the reminders you need exactly when you need them. I received this special text from my daughter yesterday and it brought me to tears. It was the perfect reminder that I am doing things right and raising a daughter who’s reflective, kind, and appreciative of all we do for her and her siblings. Sometimes I am so hard on myself. Actually, all the time. I know other parents are the exact same way!
Recognizing What I Didn’t Have
You see, I had such a terrible relationship with my mom, and it haunted me my whole life. When I found out I was having a girl, I was petrified. I didn’t want to be to Dylan what my mom was to me. I wanted to show up and do better, to love more, and be present every single day. It was a lot of responsibility, and it felt overwhelming, but it was a chance to break the cycle, and I wasn’t going to let that opportunity pass.
Leading By Example
When you have a mom who was never maternal and never put you first, it’s hard. You are walking into a world constantly reminding yourself of the childhood trauma you experienced and the childhood you never got. That’s why I’ve always wanted to make sure my kids had what I didn’t. I’m there at every dance, every sporting event, and every night at home stuck doing homework. I’m present for it all, and that’s so important to me. I want my kids to feel the love and know that mom is always on their side. Seems simple enough, but you’d be surprised how many people didn’t have that growing up.
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Reminding Myself I’m Doing Okay
This text Dylan wrote to me yesterday is everything to me. I actually want to read it daily to remind myself I am doing a good job (even through all the teenage eye-rolling, huffing, and puffing). My heart goes out to all parents who didn’t have maternal moms in their life. It’s a tough road but look at me now. I didn’t think I could be loved the way a child should love their parents. I refuse to let my childhood trauma turn into generational trauma. It started and ended with me! Today I am reminding myself:
I am a good mom.
I am present.
They do come first.
I tuck them in every night.
They love me.
I make sure I am helping them pursue their dreams.
I am not perfect, and it’s ok.
What are you reminding yourself of today? We parents need to stick together and remind ourselves that our kids do love us and appreciate all we do for them! We’re doing okay.
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