Dr. Kim, a marriage and family therapist, joins us in studio. Danielle and Nikki discuss the mean moms all of us seem to bump into. You know who we mean… the toxic PTA moms, the yelling soccer moms, and the ones who talk behind their perfectly manicured nails. Learn how to get out of the pickup line because really, we just want to co-exist and flourish in harmony!
You’re Not Wearing Lululemon!?
Over the years we have all had our encounters with the different types of mom. We have the Volunteer Mom who makes it her life goal to change the school, the Mean Mom who will literally judge everyone besides their own children, and you the Sweet Mom who won’t be the one judging other moms for wearing Target leggings instead of Lululemon. Whatever type of mom you can think of, you know we have collectively seen them all!
Repeating High School
Danielle has moved about 12 times being that her husband was in the military. Moving was second nature to her. When she moved from North Carolina to San Diego she was excited to show up to school and make a “mom tribe” and find new friends. Unfortunately, that was no the case. It was brutal there and she felt so judged. The environment she was surrounded by felt toxic. Banter went on behind her back and it was disheartening. It felt like high school all over again except this time it was worse. You’re older now and more vulnerable. Moms are in a place where they should be sticking together since they’re all going through the same types of things but not in this case. Sometimes it seems to be that they forget about humanity and bash every move you make.
Nikki has volunteered ever since her kids were infants. When her daughter transitioned to elementary school she joined the PTA. She was the vice president for a couple of committees, and just as she was ready to step down, she was asked to be president. Unfortunately, these PTA moms were not welcoming and it was a hostile environment at the board meetings. So much so that new members would approach Nikki to ask her if it was always that way. She ended up stepping down after one year and the mom who took her place only lasted 3 months after that before she quit.
Come time for being at a new school, Danielle was pregnant and ended up staying in the car for about a year. It was tough on her because she wanted to make new friends. Once she was settled with the new baby she started parking the car, getting out and meeting new moms and creating new friendships. It was a better experience than expected because these moms were awesome and welcoming, and there weren’t any more mean clicks to deal with at this school.
What is the deal with these mean moms though? How do we co exist and create harmony with them? You have to know who you are and be confident. Don’t react to them and stoop down to their level fighting back. You don’t want to become them. Retain your integrity. No matter what your personality type is, it still hurts, we just have to learn how to ignore it and move past it. Watch what you’re doing moms, because the kids see it all!
We are joined in the studio by wife and mom of two, Dr Kim. She has lived-in the San Diego area for around the last 30 years now. She has her Masters in Broadcast Journalism and a Doctorate in Psychology. She is the owner and co founder of her own brand and blog called The Parentologist, which is a blog for new moms and moms to be that translates into a parenting guide with a therapeutic twist.
We wanted to know the cause for why these mean moms are parading around the school yard. Dr. Kim mentions that research shows bulling behavior can stem from insecurities, jealousies, and short comings. Some moms have unresolved emotional issues that stem from when they were in middle school and high school. Hence the movie “Bad Moms”… They wouldn’t make a movie about something such as this topic if it wasn’t prevalent to real life. These moms want attention or to bee someone or something they never were before and now they have people backing them up and it keeps that momentum of being the “leader”, going.
Dr. Kim mentions to keep those cultivating friendships with the moms you want and just stay clear of the types of moms you don’t want in your life. You don’t have to be friend with everyone, but we can all agree to tolerate and accept others for their differences. If it is going to bring us down, we need to move along.
We also discuss how mean moms are raising mean kids, and how parenting styles and actions soak up into these kids like a sponge. Listen in for tips and tricks on how to cope with those types and how to make sure your behaviors aren’t translating to negative actions of your child, and dealing with bullies on the playground. This is an episode you don’t want to miss! So tune in and let us know in the comments below your experiences with mean moms and how you cope!
Dr. Kim’s blog http://www.theparentologist.com