BabyCaliforniaFamilyMotherhoodSan Diego

Doctor’s Orders

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Someone once said, “People who sleep like a baby probably don’t have one.”

Most parents, after having a newborn never know what day it is, and surely don’t know what time it is, due to the craziness of night feedings. It’s hard to remember any dates or appointments when you bring home a new baby.  Sadly, sleep has become a distant memory. I personally have to rely on my calendar alerts programmed in my phone in my day to day. Its pretty simple, If I don’t put it in my phone, I will not remember. I also have to set more than one alert to make sure I know whats going on.

However, there is one date, one appointment, you can be sure I will remember no matter how tired I am- its the six-week postpartum check up.  Oh yes… all of us mothers know that appointment oh so well.

“You can return to having sex now.”

“I can what?  Wait, didn’t I just have a baby five minutes ago?  Do you know I sleep at most three hours a night and you want me to do what?  You do realize a watermelon came out of there and I still look 4 months pregnant right?  What about my aching back? Doctor you know my boobs have been hijacked by the little fellow in the car seat and the minute I hit the bed I completely succumb to passing out?”

I am no stranger to the 6 week postpartum permission slip to tell my husband he got the green light!  Been there, done that, four times already and every time you can bet he is smiling from ear to ear Joker style.

Besides getting the “all clear here” after getting poked and probed, you get the mood questionnaire.  Good news for me no depression, just complete exhaustion, which is seriously no joke.  My doctor actually felt bad for me that my little bundle of colic was getting up every hour starting at 1am till the sun came up.  The doctor felt so bad she was shaking her head and also yawning like what I had was contagious.

One thing that the doctor ordered that I thought was super cool was to date my husband.  I was shocked.  She actually (out of no where) said, “Now that you have four children, you will be engulfed with living for them.  I want you at the minimum… twice per month, optimally once a week, to go out with your husband with NO kids.  NO baby!”  Now she had me listening.  I was smiling at these orders for sure.  I love dating Bobby!

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When I came home I told Bobby the doctor ordered us to date more.  She thinks people with a lot of children must go on dates once a week, he was excited about the idea.

The truth is when you come home with a newborn and you have kids at home, you put you and your spouse on the back burner.  Babies need constant attention and your room becomes the babies nursery for the first few months.  Also there are more chores with constant night feedings and the kids get up early, very early.  Its whats entailed when you have kids. JI6A0399

 

We compiled a list of dating ideas and are ecstatic about the idea of being alone a few times a month.   Here is what we came up with:

  1.  Walk on the beach:  I would love to kick-start some exercise and what better date than to go walking the beach.  It would be really nice to talk without being interrupted.
  2. Paddle Board:  We both love to paddle board and have been doing it for quite sometime.  We love sports that involve the beach.  A day of paddle boarding would be a great date.
  3. Hiking:  We live rather close to many hiking trails and a day of hiking would be wonderful for us.  Exploring San Diego is something we love to do.
  4. Movies:  When Bobby was a dental student at NYU, we saw a movie at least once a week.  We absolutely love watching movies and with cinemas taking it to the next level with reclining leather chairs, we are all in.
  5. Concert:  Bobby and I love music.  Seeing a show together would be a great little escape.
  6. Surf & Ski:  Yes I am very lucky to live in San Diego with the mountains only two hours away.  One thing we would love to do snowboard and surf in the same day.  We know people who have done it and we thought it would be fun to do.
  7. Leave town:  We can go to Laguna for the day.  It’s only an hour away and to check out the shops without any babes in tow could be fun.
  8. Galleries:  Art is something I just love to immerse myself in.  Its been a long time since I have been able to go to a gallery or two.  This would be a fabulous date for us.
  9. Volunteer;  I do believe if we could volunteer at a shelter together that would be awesome.  One Thanksgiving after 9/11 my brother and I baked cookies for every firehouse in the city.  We missed Thanksgiving due to the deliveries taking so long.
  10. Wine & Design:  I would love to go painting with Bobby and enjoy some wine.  I have done this with friends, but not with my Bobby.

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Both my marriage and I deserve a little alone time. Making a habit of connecting with your partner not only on a date, but more so on a regular basis can actually lesson the load and make the journey of being a parent much more enjoyable. Plus our children are being exposed to parents who are affectionate with each other, happy to be together and very much in love from a young age. Hopefully, this will ensure that they have a good foundation and a model to build their own relationships in the future.

If you have any cool dating ideas I would love to hear from you!  Share and comment below!

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13 comments

  1. Ohhhh man- I could use this advice and we only have two Bambinos! It’s tough though unless you have good reliable babysitting… I think it’s fair to say that the more you stay connected without the babies around constantly the more healthy your marriage will be. I don’t know how we do it best, but I like the ‘organic’ ideas/ we do a lot of lunch dates, when both boys are in school– and that’s very nice. No pressure to have the best time ever ; just enjoy some adult conversation (including a few profanities;)

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      thanks natashia…. day dates are always the best

  2. Oh man. My husband and I struggle to come up with anything beyond the basic dinner and a movie two times a month… and movies are great, but to be honest I fall asleep half the time because I am so tired!
    The great thing about SD is that there are so many neighborhoods to explore! I miss being there!

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      yes san diego is a very special place… feel so blessed to be here…. gosh i am not alone in the exhaustion thing

  3. I should’ve used the phone reminder for my appointment. My 6-week turned into 9-weeks, but I wasn’t complaining. I love all your date ideas. Surfing and skiing in the same day sounds like so much fun!

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      AWE THANK YOU SO SO MUCH…. I WOULD LOVE TO ATTEMPT THE SKI AND SURF THING

  4. Couple date ideas for you and Bobby…there’s tons of things in Temecula around wine country. Daily I see hot air balloons over the winery’s. There’s a few places that you can go horseback riding through the vineyards. If you can get a sitter during the spring there is the balloon and wine festival. I loved going at night when they had about 8 balloons in the air all lit up. Over that weekend they have concerts every night to. I want to say it’s in May if I remember correctly. Highly recommend staying in the area for the evening if you can manage having a sitter that long. If not just the evening would be fun. I have an 18 year old daughter and 15 year old son and I remember all to well trying to manage a little time with my husband. Seemed like it happened once a year…Marine Corps ball.

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      love this idea…. i haven’t been to Temecula yet…. thanks for sharing

  5. Date nights are so important!!! Important for you and Bobby and important for the kids to see their parents healthy relationship includes time together. This is wonderful. Wish Dino and I could join you on one of these date nights!!! I do miss our family evening dinners on the beach together!!! Takeout, feet in the sand, kids playing in the water…. 😘

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      hoping you book a trip this year so we can plan some fun

  6. Great advice – we get a free date night every month at the Bay Club which the kids love as much as us 😆
    Our pastor Justin Buzzard has written a super cool book called Date your Wife which echoes your sentiment (you can find it on Amazon)

    There is no better reminder of who you are during the bleary newborn times than who you are when you are loving and being loved by your husband ❤️

    1. Danielle Lucia Schaffer

      Awe thanks for sharing….. it feels quite triumphant when i manage to get out with my hubby xoxox

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